Commonly Misheard or Misinterpreted Words and Phrases

Written by Eoinín McAlpine

For those with a burning desire to climb the slippery pole of high society, and the slippery poles of those at the dizzying heights of high society, an expansive vocabulary is essential. Much like a grizzly bear detects the menstrual cycle of a woman, a pure blue-blood can smell a public school education or poor credit rating at 20 paces.

Whilst it is unlikely that women will ever live amongst the bears without fear of a violent death, you on the other hand can transform yourself into a delightfully loquacious individual and bluff your way through almost any high society dinner party, job interview, or caviar-off simply by avoiding these common linguistic faux-pas.

Expensive/Expansive

It was there in the first sentence. An expansive vocabulary. There’s no point hauling ass down to the library with your life savings and trying to clean them out of words containing three syllables or more; for starters, librarians carry less than $20 and don’t have access to the safe.

Expensive: costly, high-priced – like Oprah Winfrey’s empire.
Expansive: wide, large, generous – like Oprah Winfrey’s…various charity ventures.


Self-effacing/Self-defacing

“Why, Mr Spiffington-Farnsley, if I grow an empire but one-tenth the size of your impressive chain of House o’ Lawsuits, I shall be more than content.” That would be a self-effacing comment.

A self-defacing act would be if you were to wear a pair of Crocs, a polo shirt with the collar popped, had barbed wire tattooed around one of your biceps, and scrawled “4 A GOOD TYM CALL 555-1234” on your arm in permanent marker.


Self-deprecation/Self-depreciation

A light-hearted poking of fun at one’s self can be both disarming and charming, and may be used in a social or work situation to great effect. This is known as self-deprecation.

Developing and maintaining a serious addiction to crack-cocaine, listening exclusively to Simply Red and having regular unprotected sex with individuals who lead similarly dubious existences will lead to a general decline in one’s worth as a human being. This is known as self-depreciation.


Den of iniquity/Den of inequity

Many recording artists have warbled their way through The House of the Rising Sun, a cautionary tale of an establishment filled with much sin and wickedness, ready to devour the soul of any unwary individual. Another name for such a place would be a den of iniquity.

Food that is often of poor nutritional value or blatantly inedible is sold at obscene prices at most convenience stores. Another name for such a place would be a den of inequity.


Cast aspersions/Cast dispersions

“The word on the grapevine is that Mr Spiffington-Farnsley has quite the penchant for underage mallards dressed in school uniforms.” To slander or defame someone is also to cast aspersions on them.

When a nightclub owner has the music turned off, the house lights turned on, and directs the burly primate in charge of security to stalk through the club threatening violence and police attendance, he is casting dispersions on his patrons.


Echelon/Béchamel

“With the conviction and incarceration of Mr Spiffington-Farnsley a mere formality, my rise to the upper echelons of high society is all but complete.” Echelon – a fancy way of saying level or rank.

Béchamel sauce is a staple of French cuisine, usually made by gradually whisking scalded milk into a white flour-butter roux. Béchamel – a fancy way of saying white sauce.