Dinosaur to taxi chief: RAWWWRRR!

Written by Myles Long

PEOPLE are entitled to be concerned for their safety if a carnivorous dinosaur is allowed to drive a taxi, a court has heard.

Annabelle Crowe, who has a law degree, said safety and good personal hygiene were reasonable public expectations, and people who travelled in taxis with a dinosaur were vulnerable.

"What is the public at large likely to think about the accreditation of a prehistoric beast with a penchant for meat?" Ms Crowe said in the Supreme Court.

"Will they feel safe? Will the dinosaur use deodorant, or play ethnic music loudly?"

She argued the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal had made legal errors in overturning the Director of Public Transport's refusal of a taxi accreditation to a feathered Velociraptor, who can be identified only as Mr Biteypants. The director is appealing against the VCAT ruling allowing the previously extinct creature to drive taxis.

Mr Biteypants, who ate a postman in 1990 but was acquitted of murder after successfully using the “But I’m a dinosaur!” defence, spent years in a theme park designed by Steven Spielberg.

Any person who eats a public servant is automatically refused taxi accreditation.

Ms Crowe said Mr Biteypants had eaten a public servant, and therefore should have to wear a muzzle and eat his meals through a straw from now on.

She said labelling dinosaurs on the basis of what they had done might be unfair to them, but that’s just how we roll down at Parliament.

Mr Biteypants’ barrister Peter Bellendé said eating postmen should not automatically disqualify a taxi driver.

"It’s discriminatory to carnivores," Mr Bellendé said. “Mr Biteypants can’t help who he is. Why should a Diplodocus get to drive a taxi just because they’re some gay vegan dinosaur?”

The hearing is expected to continue next week, assuming the defendant doesn’t eat the judge.