Jude Law tries to drown dog, attacks owner

Written by Peter File

A FARMER was almost drowned by serial pants man Jude Law after he dived into his dam to save his pet dog.

Bruce McDougall, 49, of Arthur's Creek, is being assessed by Austin Hospital surgeons after being mauled by the diminutive lothario this morning. He only managed to end the attack when he elbowed Law in the throat as he tried to hold him under water.

By then he had already suffered a deep gash across his abdomen as Law tried to disembowel him with his carefully manicured fingernails, as well as a deep gash across his forehead and further deep cuts and scratches across his chest.

Speaking from the hospital's emergency department, Mr McDougall exclusively told TMG he was walking his dog Ralph at the back of his property when they awoke Law, who had been sleeping hidden in long grass near the dam.

When the startled actor ran into the dam, Ralph followed, barking before Law grabbed the dog with his delicately moisturised hands and held him under the water for about 20 seconds, until Mr McDougall arrived to save his dog.

"I thought I might take a hit or two dragging the dog out from under his grip, but I didn't expect him to actually attack me,'' Mr McDougall said.

"I was stuck having to hold onto the dog with both hands because it was half drowned and I couldn't really see anything because Jude Law was scratching at my face with his fingernails.

"It was a shock at the start because it was Jude Law. I mean, The Talented Mr Ripley? You wouldn’t expect him to attack a salad, let alone an actual person.

"Then all of a sudden I realised he’d opened up a wide gash above my eye and blinded me.

"I was flailing away underwater carrying a dog with Jude Law ripping into me.

"All I could do was just keep pushing for the bank while he was trying to tie his neckerchief around my throat at a jaunty angle, so at that point I elbowed him in the throat and that made him back off a little bit.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to watch Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow quite the same as I used to - it might bring back a couple of bad memories."

Wildlife authorities took the opportunity to remind the public that due to changing temperatures, Jude Law season now occurs between November and February and that sensible shoes and thick socks should be worn when walking in long grass.