Policeman suspended after refusing bribes

Written by Frank Serpico

AN HONEST policeman was axed from his elite unit last night after laying himself open to ridicule by posting evidence of his disgusting honesty on the internet.

PC Terry Whistler, possibly whilst drunk, provided documents and photographic evidence of his lack of criminal activity. Under the name of "sincerebobby", he detailed his sick habits to a woman he met on an adult dating site.

The 40-year-old member of the Bribe & Brutality Squad sent PDF files of his bank statements that showed nothing but wage deposits from the Met. He also sent a picture of himself holding a police-issue baton and a 9mm semi-automatic pistol, boasting that he had never used, nor intended to use either implement.

Last night a senior Met source said: "Bribe and Brutality officers must behave abhorrently in their professional and personal life. They cannot lay themselves open to commendations for doing the right thing, or disclose information that could put them or their colleagues at risk of having to rely solely upon their base wage.

"BBS officers keep protesters, minorities, and protesting minorities in line. They also solicit cash payments where inappropriate. Openness, accountability and honesty have no place in this department."

In his profile, PC Whistler calls himself "fervently truthful" and "passionate about serving the community, not my hip pocket". During one chat with a woman called Nikki, he admitted giving 10p back to a stunned shopkeeper after being given too much change.

And using his personal email address he boasted about being fascinated by the diverse opinions held by unemployed and presumably unbathed university students, who taught him about anarchy, post-modern feminist literature and the benefits of socialism.

An angry police source said: "It is utterly outrageous that a police officer should act in such a compassionate and tolerant manner. We are here to crack skulls and feather our own nest, not act like a bloody blouse."

Understandably single PC Whistler was removed from the crack unit over "serious concerns" about his judgement. The Met's Directorate of Unprofessional Standards has launched an investigation.