Hipsters showed 'absolute elitism' by swimming into baited bogan trap

Written by Peter File

TRENDY hipsters in skinny jeans who made elitist gestures from inside a baited bogan trap whilst their friend stood on top of the cage eating organic feta were criticised for their "absolute elitism" by furious authorities in the Northern Territory.

Bogans - considered by most historians to be the true natives of Australia - have become a major pest of late, especially in the waterways of the Northern Territory. Tourists have complained that drunken bogans, generally piloting jet skis, have behaved in a menacing fashion and encouraged female tourists to expose their breasts.

Authorities have responded by setting traps baited with six packs of Bundaberg rum and coke, Lleyton Hewitt calendars and Ed Hardy t-shirts. After successful capture, the bogans are generally released in bogan-friendly locations, such as the Australian F1 Grand Prix, or a casino.

An image of the three bogan-mocking hipsters, all wearing Ray-Ban Wayfarers or horn-rimmed glasses with no lenses, surfaced yesterday after being posted on Monobook - an obscure social networking website where members convey emotions by posting images of their left eyebrow in binary code.

The photo shows one hipster atop the floating metal cage listening to music of a yet to be discovered genre on a community radio station that doesn’t transmit on FM or AM, and two more hipsters inside, eating a dish from a country that you haven’t heard of and probably never will, you ape.

Northern Territory Parks and Wildlife rangers have labelled the act as "a typical load of southern wankery."

"It won't be tolerated anymore," senior ranger and self-appointed bogan guardian Bruce Leonard said. "If they want to be edgy, they should stick to creating unauthorised inner city art installations that become nutritious organic meals for the homeless once they have bypassed their cultural relevance."

"Mocking bogans is like shooting fish in a barrel. Or a cage."

"We will investigate this case and if we find out who they are, they will be punished accordingly.

"The agency has zero tolerance with hipsters interfering with bogan traps.”

Offenders could be banned from owning vinyl records or forced to live in a mock Tudor mansion in a housing estate with palm trees, the Northern Territory Parks and Wildlife Conservation Act states.