Anorexics not as funny as fat people, says media

Written by Logan Bluetooth

WIDELY respected and thoroughly credible media outlets of the internet have played yet another game of “funny/not funny”, and the results are in. Morbidly obese people have been declared pants-splittingly funny, whilst sufferers of passé 20th century eating disorders such as anorexia are decidedly unfunny.

After weeks of painstaking examination of the case for and against both body profiles, journalists’ opinions were swayed by a woman with an elephantine hunger for success and double cheeseburgers.

Donna Simpson, allegedly a 42-year-old human female, currently weighs 273kg but is hoping to add the equivalent of twin baby elephants to her frustratingly svelte figure. By reaching her goal weight of 450kg (1000lb), Ms Simpson will hold the résumé-worthy title of world’s fattest woman. Her husband will hold a heavy goods vehicle licence.

The implausibly unemployed Ms Simpson offsets her gargantuan grocery bill by running a website where perfectly normal men pay to watch her shovel deep fried buckets of the top of the food pyramid down her gelatinous throat.

Various tabloid media outlets, such as this one, said they couldn’t see any ethical problem whatsoever with publishing such a story. They also claimed that they wouldn’t hesitate to run a similar story on an anorexic person striving for the title of world’s skinniest person, but that the eating disorders of the skeletal just weren’t as hilarious as humanoid/whale hybrids.