Refrigerator pledges to govern for all, keep food and drinks cool also

Written by Annette Curtain

FISHNET aficionado and chief side-parter of the Tories, David Cameron, has announced that his party has formed a coalition with a refrigerator, ending days of speculation as to who would govern Britain. Very few political commentators expected to see what is being heralded as the first Conservative/white good government in almost 60 years.

Lib-Dem leader, Nick Clegg, was said to be privately fuming at the public snub by the Tories. Explaining the party’s decision, Prime Minister Cameron noted that there was far too great a disparity in policy between his party and Mr Clegg’s.

“After examining the respective party manifestos, the decision was frightfully easy,” Cameron said. “Conservatives, refrigerators, and especially the British public, do not want their milk to be spoilt, nor their meat tainted.”

While stopping short of accusing Clegg and his party of encouraging some sort of socialist paradise where perishable products are left to go sour and develop culture unchecked, the implication was clear.

“Food temperature is not the issue here,” barked a clearly irate Clegg. “The issue is whether or not the British people want a bloody fridge holding the second highest position in the land, when it should be at home, in the kitchen, keeping food cold.”

Deputy PM Refrigerator responded immediately to Mr Clegg’s vitriolic tirade, claiming that the Lib-Dem leader was stuck in the past.

“This is the 21st century,” it hummed. “We live in an age where fridges, washing machines and even women need no longer fear having their dreams crushed by dinosaurs like Mr Clegg, who would rather we be at home, performing menial tasks so that he may have clean socks and unspoilt milk when he arrives home from doing his big boy job.”