Plot to steal the moon foiled by heroic leader

Written by Katsuki Akimoto

GALLANT Premier of the Democratic Republic of Queensland, Anna Bligh, has thwarted a Machiavellian plot from the southern states to steal the moon from her people. Bligh first learnt of the plot after Independent MP Peter Wellington, who was possibly not independent at all, introduced a daylight saving Bill designed to enslave the chosen people of the north.

The cunning legislation would have forced Queenslanders to toil for up to 24 hours a day in blazing sunlight, disorienting them and depriving them of sleep until they collapsed from exhaustion. At this point, it is thought that strike teams from the lower states would have crossed the border and stolen the moon, before selling off its precious cheesy goodness at exorbitant prices to wealthy cheese prospectors from Europe.

Upon learning of the scheme, Chancellor Bligh had the legislation struck out and slew Wellington with her sword of obsidian and pewter. Wellington’s carcass shall be paraded throughout Brisbane as a timely reminder that the pointy state is not, and shall never be a place where daylight saving and other such southern wankery is tolerated in any form.

Curtain manufacturers, who stood to probably triple or even double their profit due to all the faded curtains that an extra hour of sunlight would have brought, said that they respected the Premier’s bravery and supported further acts of sun-kissed rebellion.

Al “Bundy” Langer, president of the Queensland Beef Growing Association, welcomed the slaying. He said that additional physical manifestations of defiance against southern values would ensure that the cows of Queensland need not fear the confusion and crippling illness that perpetual sunlight would surely bring.