White man gave black man money, says newspaper

Written by Vortman De Ville

PILLORIED former football player and amateur comedian Mal Brown is actually not a racist at all, and a highly respected publication has just the story to prove it. Many were quick to condemn Brown after he referred to Aboriginal players as “cannibals”; one hopes that those same folk shall be just as hasty in forgiving him in light of this new evidence.

After hearing that former teammate Maurice Rioli’s penchant for an occasional flutter had developed into an unquenchable thirst for gambling riches and subsequently led to him having to hock some expensive golf clubs, Saint Mal stepped in. Rather than doing the predictable thing and calling Rioli a cannibal, Brown slapped down $7500 (allowing for inflation, almost $7700 today), securing the release of Rioli’s golf clubs.

Many are hoping that this heart-warming tale sets a precedent, whereby anybody that does or says anything nasty to anyone is exonerated should it later be discovered that they once did or said something nice to a person from the same ethnic or socio-economic background as their victim.

British Petroleum are said to be taking a keen interest in the case after learning that CEO Tony Hayward did a project on whales when he was in primary school.