SCARF-wearing continental Europeans are waiting with bated and probably cheesy breath as the region nervously awaits the outcome of a disagreement between Russia, a nuclear superpower, and Romania, a country whose chief export is the absurd. Until recently, the two countries were engaged in civilised talks regarding growing concern in Russia that its close neighbour is developing a human/bear hybrid which has the ability to beg for change and perform demeaning roller skate-based tricks at the same time.
Romanian authorities admit they are in possession of many bears and roller-skates, but insist they are for peaceful purposes. Citing credible intelligence, Russia insisted that Romania allow UN weapons inspectors into the country to scrutinize the growing number of roller skate silos in the north of the country. Enraged by what he saw as bullying tactics by the Russians, Romanian President Traian Băsescu ordered his armed forces to unleash the full force of the Romanian arsenal upon Russia.
Late this afternoon, the full horror of that decision was realised, as a mature male donkey parachuted onto a Russian beach. Whether the intent was to have the donkey injure Russian soldiers or civilians by landing on top of them, or if it was trained by the Romanian armed forces to land behind enemy lines and bite people is unclear, but Russia has clearly been agitated by the attack.
Russian defence minister Anatoliy Serdyukov issued a statement expressing deep concern that Romania could launch further long-range donkeys, or even bears. When asked of the fate of the donkey, Serdyukov stated that he expected Prime Minister Vladimir Putin to ride the donkey, then hunt and shoot it to illustrate the extraordinary power of man.
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