Public urination, tits and glassings too much for Channel 10

Written by Peter File

BARELY a week after premiering on Australian television, it has emerged that several episodes of Channel 10’s new reality show Undercover Boss have been shelved, possibly permanently. Although the network has a reputation for being as concerned with tasteful programming as they are with quantum physics and the plight of the Beluga Sturgeon, station bosses have canned at least two episodes, deeming them too risqué for Australian audiences.

The show centres on a senior executive or business owner going undercover in their own company as an entry-level fork and spoon operator, where they spend a few days lifting heavy objects and rubbing shoulders with the great unwashed. At the conclusion of their week roughing it, the executives reveal their true identity, allowing the unskilled workers to laugh, cry, or contact their union, depending on what transpired during the week.

While Channel 10’s publicity department have remained uncharacteristically tight-lipped on the matter, station sources have revealed the identities of the bosses left on the cutting room floor.

First to get the chop was Collingwood Football Club president Eddie McGuire, who went undercover as the club’s new centre-half forward. Despite being clad in an unflatteringly snug club jersey and failing to kick a single goal or point, McGuire’s rotund figure and constant wheezing failed to raise a single eyebrow amongst his new teammates. Ironically, McGuire was exposed only after objecting to Chris Dawes exposing himself and urinating on a waitress in a King street strip club. Dawes, despite now being aware of McGuire’s identity, responded by glassing the president.

In what must have been a tremendously difficult choice for the network – astronomical ratings but almost certain litigation from someone, somewhere – an episode featuring former David Jones chief executive and professional letch Mark McInnes was also dropped. The episode, filmed just weeks before the DJ’s boss was hit with a $37 million sexual harassment suit, featured McInnes going undercover in the women’s underwear department as a bra-fitter.

Had the case not been settled out of court, it is understood that the majority of Kristy Fraser-Kirk’s seven surprise witnesses were shop assistants who worked alongside McInnes during filming of the Undercover Boss episode. Several complaints were also received from customers, apparently unhappy with McInnes’ unorthodox technique for measuring breast size. David Jones refused to comment on the episode, however a spokesperson clarified that all bra-fitters employed by the store are required to use tape measures and are not permitted to perform “free-hand” evaluations under any circumstances.